Hungry eyes......

So, we decided we needed a change of scenery and headed down to Tennessee for some southern hospitality. First stop Memphis which is kind of like a 1960's movie set waiting for someone to yell 'Action'. Apparently 600,000 people live there but in the 3 days we were there we only saw about 10 of them. Perhaps the rest were having trouble leaving their homes on account of all the fried chicken they consume.

We stayed at a ye olde grande hotel called the Peabody which is replete with resident ducks who at precisely 11am make their way down in the elevator from their house on the roof, waddle through the foy-yay and take up position in the fountain for the day. Then at 5pm they waddle back up to the roof top - presumably for cocktail hour (how do they reach the button and how do they know what time it is?? That's what I want to know). They say that once the little ducks reach adulthood they are released way over yonder into the wild but I did notice they have some tasty little ducks on the hotel restaurant menu....quack?

Day one we hit Gracelands and while you don't get to see the dunny where the great man had his final moments, you do get to see pretty much everything else including the kitchen where those famous peanut butter and banana sambos were whipped up, the jungle room, his planes and the coolest bit...his basement bar and pool room. Lots of inspiration for the house of beach games shed!!


Then we headed off to the Civil Rights Museum which has been built at the site that Martin Luther King was assassinated (Hotel Lorraine) and this time you do get to see exactly where he was taken down. And where the shooter was. Spooky.


Memphis, being the home of rock'n'roll and blues has some tops music places to see too and we couldn't resist a visit to Sun Records where Elvis, Johnny Cash and countless other legends got their start. And for no extra cost you can even sing into the same microphone those guys used. And if you're really weird you can lick it (Elvis fans are particularly fond of this apparently).



We then hit the road and headed towards the country music capitol - Nashville. But on the way we came across Somerville, right in the heart of cotton country and the home of the cotton festival which involves a cotton street parade, cotton dance and the highlight, the cotton beauty pageant where Miss Cotton 2010 is named. Spectacular!


Tugs' dream of going to a dude ranch was finally realised when we passed through Hurricane Mills, the home of the first lady of country music, Loretta Lynn's dude ranch. Check it out people.....
What more could you want from a holiday destination???? Sadly we'd left our ponies back at the estate so we had to press on.
>
Having reservations in Nashville I had to get my cotton-picking hands back on the wheel and head on over to Nic and Keith's! Nashville is perhaps the most boring town in the world! It's no wonder Keith had a serious drinking problem!!! Fortunately for us a big ole flood came through in May and the Grand Olde Opry was closed for renovations. Phew! That meant the only country music we had to listen to was the radio. It's that or christian rock. Hmmm...OFF! They say that the Country Music Hall of Fame is the premier attraction in Nashville but HELLO!!! Have they seen the Dukes of Hazzard museum???? The coolest place EVA!!


It was time to kick our spurs into the side of our horse and gallop onto to Pigeon Forge....the home of Dollywood. Ah....that's better! A faux western town with Dolly Parton's greatest hits pumping through the speakers as you speed through some good old fashioned roller coasters. What more you could want???? NOTHING I TELLS YA!!!!! But at 55 bucks per person, we got the merch pass which meant we had exactly one hour to race through the park totally free. Kind of like the amazing race only the prizes are tops photo opportunities instead of wads of cash! CHEESE!

Then it was on to Asheville, which is not to be confused with Nasheville (shittyland). This place is in North Carolina and miraculously as you cross the boarder, people half in size, as do the number of fried chicken fast food outlets. Coincidence???? I think not! Set high up in the Smoky Mountains, Asheville is an outdoor adventurer's 'happy place'. They have all sorts of activities like rafting, mountain biking, canoeing, fishing...oh...so much to do..and so little time. They also have cool nighttime things to do like bands and bars that don't have dead animal heads on the walls. The Pixies were in town and they super-rocked - even if Kim is a tad frumpy these days! Oh Tugs was an excited little whippet.

Seeing as we were reliving Tugs's teenage crushes we drove on out to Lake Lure. Also known as the site where much of Dirty Dancing was filmed. So off we went in search of that place where they practice the leap in the water. Tugs did try to get me in the water for a re-enactment but we couldn't agree on who was going to be Johnny and who was going to be Baby so instead we hired a boat and pootled around trying to decided which house we were going to buy with our lotto winnings.


Finally our adventure into the bible belt and the Republican heartland had to come to an end. Back to New York we go for our last 3 weeks. Poo! Big time!

Da...na....da...na......Cape Cod!

Much like Barack, Michelle, Malia, Sasha and Bo we decided to take our summer vacation in Cape Cod and 'The Vineyard' (that's Martha's Vineyard to the tourists). Oh..the Cape...how splendid! Sadly though, we were not lucky enough to have Air Force One so it was 6 hours on the Greyhound for us. Judy (my mum), Tugs and I were off.

The Cape is a mix of cute little summer cottages and massive mansions. We found ourselves the former and settled in for a relaxing week. There is an amazing network of bike paths which pretty much go from one end to the other. Perfect for a cycling holiday for those who might be interested. But we'd left our Goodies style three rider bike at home so we just drove around. There's heaps to explore including ye olde lighthouses at just about every town. And for the seafood lovers, there are lobsters and oysters aplenty. BYO bibs!


A drive and a car ferry ride away is the Vineyard, which much like the Cape is quaint, pretty and worth exploring. Lots of seafood and cute towns with ice cream shops - Edgartown was Tug's personal favourite (she told me to write that). We checked out the bridge in Chappaquiddick where Teddy Kennedy drove off the road after a boozy night out and killed his passenger - a young lady who wasn't Mrs Kennedy. Ummaa....


Now the beaches here are not quite Australian standard but are probably some of the nicest in the US. They don't come cheap though. Yes, that's right! Beaches are not free in America. I know it's strange - what with America being the land of the free and all. But you gotta pay to go. $15 per day will get you access to some beaches but not all. Some are city owned, some are state owned and then some are privately owned. It's all very complicated really, which is why many of the locals swim in the fresh water ponds instead. That, and the fact that the water temperature of the ponds is over 15 C. The beaches are not!

Provincetown (or P-Town to the locals), on the tip of the Cape, is the centre of the action and home to a sizable gay community. It's pumping with shops, clubs, bars, pretty boys in skimpy budgie smugglers and tourists aplenty. Judy just loved it there! I think her favourite was the transgendered busker singing old country numbers in a voice that didn't quite match the outfit....if you know what I mean!

Now for those of you movies buffs, you might know that the Cape is also where Jaws was set. And as if on cue, we arrived at a local beach to a shark warning. A 12 foot White Pointer was looking for lunch. Tugs, straight on it was over helping out the news crews. I preferred watching the whale way out the back breach and play. Poor old Judy couldn't see anything.

Headwear, haircuts and turtles

Yes, love was in the air again in New York as the doey eyed happy couple returned for a quick visit....and boy were they loved up! Bless.

In between gazing into each other's eyes endlessly we managed to see a few sights and even get amongst it with the "Ladies". But not before I was forced to have my unruley mane tidied up by the talented (and slightly tipsy) Leisl.

The girls were allowed to head off by themselves to explore Harlem. With guidebook in hand a nice safe walking tour route described we felt certain they'd be safe. But alas they found themselves somewhat lost in a large park (not on the walking tour) and unsure how to get out. As they started to worry about being mugged they noticed a young man and decided to ask him for directions. Fortunately for them they had stumbled across a beat. The lovely gay ballerina escorted them out of the park to safety. No more solo adventures for them!

Central park was considered to be a safer excursion and we all headed off for lunch at the boathouse cafe and then a little row around the pond. Lucky Leisl and I have been working out. No help from Nikki and Claudia other than giving directions (we ran aground twice!!).




Shopping, good food and we even managed to palm off some of our clothes on them to take home so we can buy more.

Liberty, Justice and Sangria for ALL.....

So where did I leave off??

That's right....Aimo's departure and the impending arrival of CLeisl.

In between we managed to squeeze in a weekend visit to the Nation's Capital and lend our personal support to President Obama and reassure him of Australia's continued friendship and support on behalf of Julia. Perhaps a tad premature given the current state of political affairs in Oz.

The weekend started off with a fleeting visit to the Native American Museum and a desire to return to the cafeteria to sample some traditional eats! Followers - be warned!.....the food sounds interesting and nice but really it's just a lot of corn stuff. Corn soup, corn dumplings, corn syrup....not so nice.. trust me!

Much nicer than corn soup was the free jazz concert in the Sculpture Garden at the National Art Gallery. Jugs of Sangria, a cool fountain to dangle your feet in and a perfect sunset. Ahhhh.......

The next day we checked out the Newseum which is a new museum dedicated to the media and coverage of significant world events. They had a hunk of the old Berlin Wall out could touch. Little Tugs was in her element and only closing time could get her out of there. She loved it sooooo much we had to go back the next day for more. Luckily the world cup final was on and they had the biggest tv screen I had even seen so I was happy too.

The Holocaust Museum was not so happy but very interesting. Well worth a visit...but bring a cardie, it was icy in there! I'm not sure if they were trying to give us an insight into how the concentration camp peeps felt in the bitter European winter but it was certainly enough to will us to escape!!


A visit to the Capitol Building was short and we didn't get to see the actual rooms where the actual politicians make the actual laws but we did get to see where Senator Teddy Kennedy got sick at one of the Obama inauguration balls. Old Teddy was rushed to hospital and then died.

Speaking of dead Kennedys we toured Arlington Cemetery where JFK and Jackie O are buried. Sadly so are several hundred thousand US soldiers which have been killed in all the US wars. And just to cheer this blog post up...Arlington is just one of a hundred such military cemeteries in the US!!!!

And what's a visit to Washington without stop at the Pentagon? And yes, it's just like it is on TV...big and five-sided. Being mere civilians were we unable to get an inside look, and photo's are strictly forbidden (I'm sure they had all sorts of spying devices positioned around the building - like men pretending to be shrubs that would follow us but stop the minute we turned around) so all I have is the 9/11 memorial to show.




With not much time left we managed to squeeze in a quick visit to the Air and Space Museum. One could probably spend about a week in there quite happily but with limited time I stuck to the essentials. See space ships and touch a moon rock! The hubble telescope photos of galaxies and stars were oh so pretty!

Basketball, Bridges and Boys in Budgie Smugglers

Hi Fans,
I know it's been a while. I hope you haven't missed my wildly entertaining words too much but it's just been busy, busy, busy here.

Firstly there was Cyclone Shaw that passed through town, then this heat wave (sorry Sydney-siders for rubbing it in) and finally a deadline for work. I know!!! It was a complete shock to the system, having not had one for quite some time but I managed to get everything in on time, so don't worry.

Now I know you don't want to hear about my boring work....New York...New York...I hear you chanting.....so here it is....in reverse chronological order (sort of).

July 4th fireworks: I have to give the Yankees a big thumbs up...despite not having a harbour bridge to do the firework waterfall thing off they certainly put on a good show. Clover Moore, Channel 9, Richard Wilkins and 'Chick chick boom' girl could learn a thing or two!!! Firstly, there was no lame 104.1 TodayFM simulcast and secondly, there was some of the coolest fireworks I've ever seen...like ones that turn into smilie faces. They had me applauding and whooping out loud!

Museum of Modern Art (MoMA) in a fancy new building is great if you like modern art. There were only a few hideous gold picture frames to be seen. Well worth a visit, especially on a 100 degree (in the old scale - that's super hot for those who live in the 21st century and prefer to use the metric scale) day. I've posted a few of my favourite arty pieces on FB so check 'em out if you're keen.

The Museum of Art and Design (Columbus Circle) has kooky art made from natural stuff like bugs, feathers, butterfly wings and twigs. All very cool but a bit ewwey sometimes. Not for the squeamish!!! One room was entirely covered floor to ceiling in black rooster feathers. It was like having a room lined with feather boas....oh...so soft!



NY Pride....Well here I think the Yanks could learn a thing or two from the Aussies. First the parade goes for FIVE HOURS...in the middle of the day....in the stinking heat. Hello...DUMB! Then at the end of the parade they have a fair which consists of a few blocked off streets with stalls selling food and free hep C testing pretty much...No picnic, no shady trees, no doggy beauty contests and how any drag queen can survive the day without her entire face sliding off is a mystery! They have a 'Loidies' dance party the evening prior on one of the piers which in true lesbian style is at a sensible hour...6.30 to 11pm. About 3000 wimin attend and stand around for the first few hours chatting and checking out the talent before they get sufficiently 'relaxed' to have a wee wiggle. Then right at the end they have a couple of shows. One of which was a Amy Winehouse-esq looking lady singer with two skinny pretty mostly naked go-go boys? HELLO...WOMEN'S PARTY????

New York Liberty at Madison Square Garden. Since the Liberty don't quite pull the crowd you get to sit almost court side for about $40 TOPS!!!. Tugs won a lucky seat price and was most appreciative of the signed team postcard even if she was envisioning a team top. The Liberty put on a good show even but were monstered by none other than our own Lauren Jackson who top scored as always!! Entertainment in the quarter time breaks was cute little mini dancers and cheerleaders all about 5 to 10 years old. Some of those kids can cut some moves!!!Whoa!



Oh and bridges.....Manhattan has some good ones...being an island and all. The Brooklyn is the most famous and amazing to walk over. Next to it is the Manhattan Bridge which isn't a pretty or as historic but it's way bigger and sometimes size does matter. It can carry 8 lanes of car traffic and 4 subway lines!!!! And me! BIG!

Off to see Michelle, Barrack, the kids and Bo this weekend. Tune in next week for another installment.

Island in the stream...that is what we are....

A weekend of island hopping it was.

Hop 1: Manhattan to City Island.
A ye olde ship building and fishing island in the Bronx and a very long way on the subway. It has one main drag at the end of which is the biggest fish and chips shop I've ever seen. The food is so deep fried even the seagulls know it's bad for you and stay well clear.

It also happened to be 'graduate from high school day' so there were lots of pimply teens in mortar boards and gowns celebrating the achievement by raising their cholesterol levels higher than their grade point average.

Hop 2: Manhattan to Long Island to Fire Island.
Another long train ride plus a shuttle bus and ferry this time and you land on Fire Island. It's a skinny but very long island off....yes, you guess it.....Long Island. The Island has no cars and takes about 10 minutes to walk the width (from bayside to beachside)....and a few days (probably) to walk the length.

There are no roads, only boardwalks and that's how you get everywhere. If you have luggage or shopping you pull it along on a red radio flyer cart (see pics). All the houses are built in the dunes and are connected by the boardwalks.


We landed at The Pines which is a 'No Straights in the Village' kind of place. There are just lots of beautiful gay boys, bars, a cafe and gourmet food market. Oh, and massive boats just moored in the marina. The houses here are amazing. Ocean views and pools all built into the sand dunes.


Cherry Grove is the next little village about a 25 minutes stroll through the dunes away. There are more pretty gay boys and also a few handsome (?) older lesbians. Again lots of houses (not as flash) connected by boardwalks with cafes, bars, restaurants and a couple of hotels.



We were there on Sunday afternoon so things were winding down for the weekend but I'm pretty sure both places go wild most weekends (if the empty condom packets in the bushes are anything to go by!).

Cocktails anyone???

Well it's been a busy few weeks with visitors from home and slipping back into tourist mode. Highlights include....

Roller Derby - Manhattan Mayhem defeat Queens of Pain -thanks to a dubious call from the Ref that put Suzy Hotrod in the sinbin for the final jam.

Cocktails on the roof of the Metropolitan Museum of Art......my kind of museum visit. Cheers!!

Bingay.....at Lips in the West Village. Drag queens have nothing on Mitzy and Naomi but was fun none the less. I did like the half-time shows but without the entertaining calls for each number it's really not the same.

Staten Island - sailed past Lady Liberty in all her glory for an afternoon at Staten Island. Most people just do the round trip and don't bother getting off on the island. Other than us, the only people that did get off were either on day release from the psychiatric ward or drug rehab centre or orthodox jews having a picnic with their 14 children. Mazel Tov!

Boston - small and quaint and full of history...and rude cab drivers. Did a brief city tour and boat cruise. Saw the USS Constitution (oldest navy ship aptly named 'Old Ironsides'). Conference was a waste of time but Tugs enjoyed a few days exploring including a trip to spooky (and not just because of the witches) Salem and the JFK Museum.

Yankees vs Indians - on the bleachers which is a little like Bay 13 at the SCG. On a scorcher of a day the Yankees thrashed the Indians 11-2 thanks to a Grand Slam by A-Rod - clearly Cameron Diaz is doing wonders for his game. The heat did nothing to dampen the horny housewives trying to flirt with the outfield players. The highlight was when the whole Bleachers section erupted into a chant of 'asshole, asshole, asshole' at some poor unfortunate patron who happened to be wearing an Indians cap.